...is tomorrow
We worked hard for our two days of togetherness, haha. The test will be in tomorrow's performance. Can Treble pull it off? Hmm. Ahdunno, but we shall see!
Aside from that, haven't been feeling as stable (don't know if that's the right word but its a good little segway haha) as i should lately, and then today i experienced my first earthquake! Ironic, right? I love it. The world works in funny ways... But then i just listen to jacob and the transfer, write a song and all things are better. Haha :)
Goodnight, im gonna watch Doomsday.
Love you,
Love, me
mariel.
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
UGH
freakin a. i dont know what to dooooooooo. mtv for sure or idol in the dark. i wish one of these would stick out and slap me in the face like a no-brainer but no diiiice.
love you,
love, me
mariel.
love you,
love, me
mariel.
it's alright...
...is just what you say
you always tell me to let it go and let my stresses fall prey to absence, you're careless like that, but in a good way, in a good sense. makin' sure i know there's always an alternative and tomorrow turns into a new today, so today's ultimately gonna turn towards the term of yesterday, im stubborn, though. i never really hear the first time, you know? i need it repeated or my mind will delete it, i need to hear things twice or thrice or like a funnel it withers nice and evenly to black.
i like to put myself in the rain and like the way the darkness wraps up around the day, i soak in sorrowful things cuz im used to the wallowing, singing hollow rings around the corner to no one but me. im stubborn, so you're always there coaching me through, never boasting but you tell me of every time you've felt born anew when a new problem had arised just before your eyes and just before your thighs gave way for your knees to buckle and break your stature free, you stacked up your dignity and supported it with prayer between each layer of hope and so eventually you stood.
standing for violence and for hate to take way on its hell bent, hell-sent, rage-filled journey to the depths of the deeper peace that rests within you and with me, and the rest, we stand witness to this hero's tragedy. without apathy, we bear testimony only of the test that we saw in the raw, naive and misleading lack of fear in your eyes. for we know not your pain and we know not your fight and while we think of you brave, you secretly hide in your sty like that of a cave and cry yourself to sleep while nights chain the memories to dreams to sustain the root of your screams but to us it seems, the truth of the matter after what you have deemed it to be, is alright.
but that's just what you say.
love you,
love, me
mariel.
you always tell me to let it go and let my stresses fall prey to absence, you're careless like that, but in a good way, in a good sense. makin' sure i know there's always an alternative and tomorrow turns into a new today, so today's ultimately gonna turn towards the term of yesterday, im stubborn, though. i never really hear the first time, you know? i need it repeated or my mind will delete it, i need to hear things twice or thrice or like a funnel it withers nice and evenly to black.
i like to put myself in the rain and like the way the darkness wraps up around the day, i soak in sorrowful things cuz im used to the wallowing, singing hollow rings around the corner to no one but me. im stubborn, so you're always there coaching me through, never boasting but you tell me of every time you've felt born anew when a new problem had arised just before your eyes and just before your thighs gave way for your knees to buckle and break your stature free, you stacked up your dignity and supported it with prayer between each layer of hope and so eventually you stood.
standing for violence and for hate to take way on its hell bent, hell-sent, rage-filled journey to the depths of the deeper peace that rests within you and with me, and the rest, we stand witness to this hero's tragedy. without apathy, we bear testimony only of the test that we saw in the raw, naive and misleading lack of fear in your eyes. for we know not your pain and we know not your fight and while we think of you brave, you secretly hide in your sty like that of a cave and cry yourself to sleep while nights chain the memories to dreams to sustain the root of your screams but to us it seems, the truth of the matter after what you have deemed it to be, is alright.
but that's just what you say.
love you,
love, me
mariel.
Sunday, July 20, 2008
things...
...that don't suck:
Unexpected texts
Strangers
A tuned guitar
Full gas tanks
The little girl yelling, "That's why dad named you Joe Dirt!"
Feeling like you're wanted
Home
Accomplishing a ridiculous goal
Accepting a compliment
Fruity Pebbles over frozen yogurt
Cake
Being able to turn to a blog in uncomfortable situations
Love you,
Love, me
mariel.
Unexpected texts
Strangers
A tuned guitar
Full gas tanks
The little girl yelling, "That's why dad named you Joe Dirt!"
Feeling like you're wanted
Home
Accomplishing a ridiculous goal
Accepting a compliment
Fruity Pebbles over frozen yogurt
Cake
Being able to turn to a blog in uncomfortable situations
Love you,
Love, me
mariel.
we are all struggling, we're all hurt. even the strongest man, outside, trembles at the thought of pain inside. we might hide it, but we cry a little more than people think. and we might fight it, but it feels good after all. we give energy to the downside, giving work to the upside, and turning things around for those of naivety. opening eyes and shooting the stars. i wish i could be there for you, i wish i was your balance. if i just knew what made you tick i could ease it all away. if we just listened and talked a little more.... we could help and lie a little less. you hear what im saying but not quite what i've said, i know. and i forgive you. but forgive me for being too frank? forgive me for feeding you the truths of my sorrow and expecting the thought of them to be easier to swallow for you than the very fact of them for me. my kisses can't heal you. my hugs are no help. but the emotion behind them is what i want you to feel. i am small and weak and weary in the cold but my heart should be enough to warm your soul... my words should take your worries away and my presence should ward off anything that dare come near enough to harm you.
there comes a point where we stop letting each other try. we give a nod and acknowledge the finish line. we're done, we've given up, we've failed. to the best of my knowledge, we haven't reached that point so please... don't give up on us yet. in the times of need prior to this speech i have been ready to let you go but this time, you can struggle and squirm and beg for a release but i believe in you far too much to let the faith that you hold in yourself -for yourself- pass.
love you,
love, me.
mariel.
there comes a point where we stop letting each other try. we give a nod and acknowledge the finish line. we're done, we've given up, we've failed. to the best of my knowledge, we haven't reached that point so please... don't give up on us yet. in the times of need prior to this speech i have been ready to let you go but this time, you can struggle and squirm and beg for a release but i believe in you far too much to let the faith that you hold in yourself -for yourself- pass.
love you,
love, me.
mariel.
Upside...
...down.
manohman. i feel like my world is turning, well, as implied. there are some.. interesting people in my life, haha. it's funny when the unfamiliar becomes routine and the norm seems alien to me. i realize im speaking as if the world revolves around none other than myself, but it IS my blog. and nobody reads it but me and you. :)
basically, i've gotten myself into few traps that could've easily been avoided had i listened to my instincts. but that would have just been way too logical and far too easy for my complication-loving live so y'know. i do what i cannn.
i need security... stability. and singing, duh. too much t'ask?
i promise if you give me the road i have the drive.
i hope everyone, well i hope YOU are well, haha.
love you,
love, me.
mariel.
manohman. i feel like my world is turning, well, as implied. there are some.. interesting people in my life, haha. it's funny when the unfamiliar becomes routine and the norm seems alien to me. i realize im speaking as if the world revolves around none other than myself, but it IS my blog. and nobody reads it but me and you. :)
basically, i've gotten myself into few traps that could've easily been avoided had i listened to my instincts. but that would have just been way too logical and far too easy for my complication-loving live so y'know. i do what i cannn.
i need security... stability. and singing, duh. too much t'ask?
i promise if you give me the road i have the drive.
i hope everyone, well i hope YOU are well, haha.
love you,
love, me.
mariel.
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
21+
...Questions.
So, hey. M just left and right before that, M & K dipped out as well... I think I've been in this house for too long today so I want to talk to someone but this survey is easily the next best thing at 4am :)
Okay people, answer in detail!
1. Who was the last person you...
- hugged? Josh T @ raw night.
- cried over? Lolo, he said some stuff to D and they hit some insecure issues o' mine :(
- kissed? Marc's cheek, i believe.
- danced with? Kayleigh, kind of. i was doing my inverts on the roof while she did her Y kicks, or something.. if that doesn't count, it would have to be Dave before they hit the road, haha. We worked on his piano moves... bomb.
- had a sleepover with? Technically, Marc. But my house was on 7 deep status with all of 2AM CLUB here + Mike Cheek! Well, and then M'apples and Nii came through but that was only for like 3 hours so I don't think that even counts.
- were angry with? This ass of a man at the dealership. Don't talk to me like I'm a 4 year old, thanks. And don't put your hands on me, chump.
- couldn't take your eyes off of? Haha, this girl at the ice cream shop. She was so pretty and so sweet and just way too happy to not look at.
2. Have you...
- danced in the rain? Yessir. Literally, and for Singing In The Rain.
- been kissed on the forehead? Yes... come to think of it, it may be safe to say that my forehead has gotten way more action than my actual designated area for kissing. How sad is that?
- shoplifted? Yes. Long time ago, i prommmise.
- drank alcohol? No. Sippy sip sip years and years and years ago. And church in the past, haha.
- slept around? Nope. Mama's good.. and that's not very hella clean :) Yesss.
- partied til the sun came up? Why, yes. Bytheway, John Legend es un genius.
- gone too far on a dare? Haha, nothing comes to mind but i am kind of thinking yes...? We have definitely done some stupid things.
3. Can you...
- name the first or last 10 presidents? Haha, no. Aw... i feel so out of the politically versed loop.
- touch your elbows behind your back? Ok, no. That sounds really easy.. and looks really funny.
- list all the people you've kissed? Well, yea. Am i being expected to, or... how about this: T, E, M, C, J, R, Q, A, and J. Those are all the ones that meant something. Haha, and ALL of them have inspired songs.
- identify your boy/girlfriend's scent? Haha... hahaha. That's really funny for some reason.
- solve a Rubic's Cube? UGH! i will one day, i swear.
- quote the Matrix? "What if i can't?" YESSS im good.
- count the number of texts you got/sent today? Riiiight.
4. Finish the sentence...
- I love to: sing.
- I need: sleep.
- I am a: sleepy singer.
- Where did all the: truth go?
- I want: him, haha. oh, me.
- Who has my: big toe! Omy, i hope someone remembers that scary story book with that in there.
- I never: am one of the girls, haha.
5. Gimme a line...
- Garth Brooks? The thunder rolls, and the lightning striiikes.. good song.
- 50 Cent? You say I talk too fast but if you listen a little faster i won't have to slow down for you to keep up. Aww man i don't know if i remember this all the way right but its somethin like that.
- Da Brat? I'm in love witchu more than my car, more than my house, more than the night i kept your name comin' out my mouth. GOOD SONG.
- Hannah Montana? I st-st-stuttered when you asked me what I'm thinkin' bout... right?
- Notorious BIG? Relax and take notes, while I take tokes of the marijuana smoke.
- Red Hot Chili Peppers? I like pleasure spiked with pain and music is my aeroplane. DOPE, yea?
- Your Favorite Singer? Instead i'm with the band photo shootin, i sing songs from a place that is sub-human. YES best ever.
6. So...
- if a hobo gave you an ice cream, would you feel guilty taking it from him? Haha, what? No... i don't think so. if i picture myself in this situation, i probably would feel guilty not taking it because i can't imagine why he would think that i would need it more than him.. so i'd probably take it to please him.
- what if you had a long lost twin? i would hope that she were cooler than m'self. or he.. haha.
- do you have a favorite body part? On me or on other people? Cuz on me.... hm. i like my collar area, sometimes. Sometimes my back or my little hip. Haha... on other people i might say i like hands.. and mouths and arms.
- what song got you through your last tough time? wow 2am club all day. it actually was the TRANSFER's You Can Look. manohmannn.
- ever cheat/been cheated on? No and not that i know of, haha.
- who made you smile last? In person, Marc, Panda Marc, not 2amc Marc, this time haha.
- have you ever done an impersonation of Arnold? Actually, yes but NEVER for anyone to hear, haha. i'm just really bad at it, that's why.
7. Finally...
- how did your last relationship end? Haha. We kind of just weren't working.. did the in between thing for awhile, broke it off, he made a mistake and then we were through. We're cool, though.
- what was the last meal you finished completely? Tonight's dinner, actually! I got chicken teriyaki and shrimp tempura with gyoza. A California roll and some kind of coconut ice cream dessert. Um, YES.
- Kathryn McPhee is Over It. Are you? Haha, i believe that yes, i am over the proverbial it.
- you just had the perfect date, how do you end it? We plan to plan another date, silly.
- if you're burning a mixed cd for your secret crush, what song finishes it off? Haha secret crush, huh. Hm.. The Way You Make Me Feel by MJ or Kiss by Prince :)
- you crossed the finish line! What were you running for? Well, the last run was for Women's Cancer Research shout out to lolaaaaa.
- any unfinished business? Yes, the sleep that I just fell into.
love you,
love, me
mariel.
So, hey. M just left and right before that, M & K dipped out as well... I think I've been in this house for too long today so I want to talk to someone but this survey is easily the next best thing at 4am :)
Okay people, answer in detail!
1. Who was the last person you...
- hugged? Josh T @ raw night.
- cried over? Lolo, he said some stuff to D and they hit some insecure issues o' mine :(
- kissed? Marc's cheek, i believe.
- danced with? Kayleigh, kind of. i was doing my inverts on the roof while she did her Y kicks, or something.. if that doesn't count, it would have to be Dave before they hit the road, haha. We worked on his piano moves... bomb.
- had a sleepover with? Technically, Marc. But my house was on 7 deep status with all of 2AM CLUB here + Mike Cheek! Well, and then M'apples and Nii came through but that was only for like 3 hours so I don't think that even counts.
- were angry with? This ass of a man at the dealership. Don't talk to me like I'm a 4 year old, thanks. And don't put your hands on me, chump.
- couldn't take your eyes off of? Haha, this girl at the ice cream shop. She was so pretty and so sweet and just way too happy to not look at.
2. Have you...
- danced in the rain? Yessir. Literally, and for Singing In The Rain.
- been kissed on the forehead? Yes... come to think of it, it may be safe to say that my forehead has gotten way more action than my actual designated area for kissing. How sad is that?
- shoplifted? Yes. Long time ago, i prommmise.
- drank alcohol? No. Sippy sip sip years and years and years ago. And church in the past, haha.
- slept around? Nope. Mama's good.. and that's not very hella clean :) Yesss.
- partied til the sun came up? Why, yes. Bytheway, John Legend es un genius.
- gone too far on a dare? Haha, nothing comes to mind but i am kind of thinking yes...? We have definitely done some stupid things.
3. Can you...
- name the first or last 10 presidents? Haha, no. Aw... i feel so out of the politically versed loop.
- touch your elbows behind your back? Ok, no. That sounds really easy.. and looks really funny.
- list all the people you've kissed? Well, yea. Am i being expected to, or... how about this: T, E, M, C, J, R, Q, A, and J. Those are all the ones that meant something. Haha, and ALL of them have inspired songs.
- identify your boy/girlfriend's scent? Haha... hahaha. That's really funny for some reason.
- solve a Rubic's Cube? UGH! i will one day, i swear.
- quote the Matrix? "What if i can't?" YESSS im good.
- count the number of texts you got/sent today? Riiiight.
4. Finish the sentence...
- I love to: sing.
- I need: sleep.
- I am a: sleepy singer.
- Where did all the: truth go?
- I want: him, haha. oh, me.
- Who has my: big toe! Omy, i hope someone remembers that scary story book with that in there.
- I never: am one of the girls, haha.
5. Gimme a line...
- Garth Brooks? The thunder rolls, and the lightning striiikes.. good song.
- 50 Cent? You say I talk too fast but if you listen a little faster i won't have to slow down for you to keep up. Aww man i don't know if i remember this all the way right but its somethin like that.
- Da Brat? I'm in love witchu more than my car, more than my house, more than the night i kept your name comin' out my mouth. GOOD SONG.
- Hannah Montana? I st-st-stuttered when you asked me what I'm thinkin' bout... right?
- Notorious BIG? Relax and take notes, while I take tokes of the marijuana smoke.
- Red Hot Chili Peppers? I like pleasure spiked with pain and music is my aeroplane. DOPE, yea?
- Your Favorite Singer? Instead i'm with the band photo shootin, i sing songs from a place that is sub-human. YES best ever.
6. So...
- if a hobo gave you an ice cream, would you feel guilty taking it from him? Haha, what? No... i don't think so. if i picture myself in this situation, i probably would feel guilty not taking it because i can't imagine why he would think that i would need it more than him.. so i'd probably take it to please him.
- what if you had a long lost twin? i would hope that she were cooler than m'self. or he.. haha.
- do you have a favorite body part? On me or on other people? Cuz on me.... hm. i like my collar area, sometimes. Sometimes my back or my little hip. Haha... on other people i might say i like hands.. and mouths and arms.
- what song got you through your last tough time? wow 2am club all day. it actually was the TRANSFER's You Can Look. manohmannn.
- ever cheat/been cheated on? No and not that i know of, haha.
- who made you smile last? In person, Marc, Panda Marc, not 2amc Marc, this time haha.
- have you ever done an impersonation of Arnold? Actually, yes but NEVER for anyone to hear, haha. i'm just really bad at it, that's why.
7. Finally...
- how did your last relationship end? Haha. We kind of just weren't working.. did the in between thing for awhile, broke it off, he made a mistake and then we were through. We're cool, though.
- what was the last meal you finished completely? Tonight's dinner, actually! I got chicken teriyaki and shrimp tempura with gyoza. A California roll and some kind of coconut ice cream dessert. Um, YES.
- Kathryn McPhee is Over It. Are you? Haha, i believe that yes, i am over the proverbial it.
- you just had the perfect date, how do you end it? We plan to plan another date, silly.
- if you're burning a mixed cd for your secret crush, what song finishes it off? Haha secret crush, huh. Hm.. The Way You Make Me Feel by MJ or Kiss by Prince :)
- you crossed the finish line! What were you running for? Well, the last run was for Women's Cancer Research shout out to lolaaaaa.
- any unfinished business? Yes, the sleep that I just fell into.
love you,
love, me
mariel.
Sunday, July 13, 2008
would you rather...
- Get a speeding citation... at the airport
- Pay for vehicle registration 1 and 1/2 times
- Have your car impounded
- Be a victim of identity theft
- Have your bank account frozen... at -$152.00
- Lose a puppy
- Hear a quote from a loved one denying your success in life
- Be stuck in Utah threatening to be forced to miss your friend's birthday
Hm. I have no choice! I am suffering from each of these little pains... SHIPOOPY. The only thing that is getting me through this right now is Track 5 on the good ol' Transfer cd, haha. I just wrote the coolest blog ever about how awesome my week has been, and now looky. Frick, I say. And at this point, I still haven't slept. My little brain will not stop spinning (in circles while the sunlight dims?) and it is no good. I really gotta get some rest in because tomorrow/today is about to be a big day. Ends only mean new beginnings, haha ahhhh I lovethisband. I hope to write a song tomorrow/today, Taylor Swift inspired me today/last night. We are way too similar, it's kinda creepy.
Better extreme than a pain so dull.
Geeeeeenius.
I hope that the whole 'learn from my mistakes' thing kicks in quick. I have so many things that I am completely ignorant to and this needs to change. There are things that I want and things that I need... I hope I can learn to decipher which is which. I need to learn to stand alone.
Love you,
Love, me
mariel.
Love learning,
Love, me
- Pay for vehicle registration 1 and 1/2 times
- Have your car impounded
- Be a victim of identity theft
- Have your bank account frozen... at -$152.00
- Lose a puppy
- Hear a quote from a loved one denying your success in life
- Be stuck in Utah threatening to be forced to miss your friend's birthday
Hm. I have no choice! I am suffering from each of these little pains... SHIPOOPY. The only thing that is getting me through this right now is Track 5 on the good ol' Transfer cd, haha. I just wrote the coolest blog ever about how awesome my week has been, and now looky. Frick, I say. And at this point, I still haven't slept. My little brain will not stop spinning (in circles while the sunlight dims?) and it is no good. I really gotta get some rest in because tomorrow/today is about to be a big day. Ends only mean new beginnings, haha ahhhh I lovethisband. I hope to write a song tomorrow/today, Taylor Swift inspired me today/last night. We are way too similar, it's kinda creepy.
Better extreme than a pain so dull.
Geeeeeenius.
I hope that the whole 'learn from my mistakes' thing kicks in quick. I have so many things that I am completely ignorant to and this needs to change. There are things that I want and things that I need... I hope I can learn to decipher which is which. I need to learn to stand alone.
Love you,
Love, me
mariel.
Love learning,
Love, me
a week...
...of weakness.
Manohman. (I get so weak in the knees, I can hardly speak) I have been surrounded by musicians and I feel so inadequate in comparison! It also makes me wanna work way harder and get into the swing of things for my own music to rise to the levels it should be capable of. I saw a bunch of bands play today. I have been completely spoiled, haha. I saw The Maine, Metro Station, Boys Like Girls, Good Charlotte, Love You Long Time, and most importantly, The 2AM CLUB. My musical horizons are opening up to so many new things... can you tell I really feel like writing a song? I really need a band to help me expand on everything that I'm doing. I want to perform!
Love music,
Love, me
mariel.
Manohman. (I get so weak in the knees, I can hardly speak) I have been surrounded by musicians and I feel so inadequate in comparison! It also makes me wanna work way harder and get into the swing of things for my own music to rise to the levels it should be capable of. I saw a bunch of bands play today. I have been completely spoiled, haha. I saw The Maine, Metro Station, Boys Like Girls, Good Charlotte, Love You Long Time, and most importantly, The 2AM CLUB. My musical horizons are opening up to so many new things... can you tell I really feel like writing a song? I really need a band to help me expand on everything that I'm doing. I want to perform!
Love music,
Love, me
mariel.
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
know better...
...do better.
That is the motto for today. Actually no, for in general. :) Haha, yes, grammar. I haven't been acting as good of a person as I actually am, so the goal is to abolish that immediately! I drive tomorrow morning, but I haven't packed and I haven't slept. Oops, no. Purposeful are my actions because I have been, well actually I have been locked out of my house haha but other than that, I have been finishing a song! Yessss. I don't know why I am talking so strangely and I don't know why I don't do it more often.
I was reading today about this idea that the reason it is easier to speak than to sing is because you don't think about speaking. You're not consciously trying to make your voice hold out or hit a certain pitch or sound pretty in a certain tone. You just speak off of your emotions. Left brain, it says. It goes on to say that if we learn to 'release our voice from its imprisonment,' and let it sing freely from the left brain, we'll just be super good. Hm. Maybe the fact that I sing more than I speak has something to do with my nervousness in conversations on stage. I think about what I'm saying in my in between song dialog, whereas I just sing and it comes out natural. Hhhinteresting.
I must record this song!
love it,
love, me
mariel.l
That is the motto for today. Actually no, for in general. :) Haha, yes, grammar. I haven't been acting as good of a person as I actually am, so the goal is to abolish that immediately! I drive tomorrow morning, but I haven't packed and I haven't slept. Oops, no. Purposeful are my actions because I have been, well actually I have been locked out of my house haha but other than that, I have been finishing a song! Yessss. I don't know why I am talking so strangely and I don't know why I don't do it more often.
I was reading today about this idea that the reason it is easier to speak than to sing is because you don't think about speaking. You're not consciously trying to make your voice hold out or hit a certain pitch or sound pretty in a certain tone. You just speak off of your emotions. Left brain, it says. It goes on to say that if we learn to 'release our voice from its imprisonment,' and let it sing freely from the left brain, we'll just be super good. Hm. Maybe the fact that I sing more than I speak has something to do with my nervousness in conversations on stage. I think about what I'm saying in my in between song dialog, whereas I just sing and it comes out natural. Hhhinteresting.
I must record this song!
love it,
love, me
mariel.l
Monday, July 7, 2008
what i need...
...immediately:
- to pack
- energy to drive the 13 hours
- yogotango
- to become a ridiculous musician
- sleeeeep.
- al to do my photoshoot. yes you little nookie, i know you're reading this. we must shoot some crazy pictures in which i actually look presentable. deal?
love you,
love, me
mariel.
- to pack
- energy to drive the 13 hours
- yogotango
- to become a ridiculous musician
- sleeeeep.
- al to do my photoshoot. yes you little nookie, i know you're reading this. we must shoot some crazy pictures in which i actually look presentable. deal?
love you,
love, me
mariel.
Saturday, July 5, 2008
KT...
...Tunstall
is sickening. I'm working on a song right now and it reminds me of herrr :) Found another poem, let's share. If you know what it is about you're incredible.
remove the clothes
change the songs
we can keep the hair, it's fine
we both know
we don't write wrongs
won't change your eyes, can't change mine
black to the ears
free of same
but the risk proves to be too big
backlight on fears
delete the name
be the next follower, take the next swig
drunk on conformity
high on power
gluttony and darkness defeat us as one
no, i know better
and come closing time
i'll stay sober, toasting in the sun
love you,
love, me
mariel.
is sickening. I'm working on a song right now and it reminds me of herrr :) Found another poem, let's share. If you know what it is about you're incredible.
remove the clothes
change the songs
we can keep the hair, it's fine
we both know
we don't write wrongs
won't change your eyes, can't change mine
black to the ears
free of same
but the risk proves to be too big
backlight on fears
delete the name
be the next follower, take the next swig
drunk on conformity
high on power
gluttony and darkness defeat us as one
no, i know better
and come closing time
i'll stay sober, toasting in the sun
love you,
love, me
mariel.
Friday, July 4, 2008
In...
...dependence.
Remember when we were kids, and the most important thing in school was to trace the little dotted lines? We had to trace the already written letters so that we could learn the ever-so important task of writing out our names. I remember when all I wanted to know was the answer to, "Who am I?" I remember a time when everyone I knew genuinely liked me, nobody befriended me to use me, nobody talked behind my back and nobody turned theirs to me. It's funny how you can be having a horrible day when a stranger asks, "How are you," and without thinking, you just lie. "I'm good, you?" Sometimes it actually makes me feel better, their smile. Sometimes I come away knowing that I fully deceived this random person but it isn't a big enough matter to stress about because they have no idea about my day versus any other day and may have very well only asked because that is what common courtesy called for. This is a poem/rap (when i read it to myself) about my frustrations, haha.
Strangers
I liked when we were strangers
kindness was everything
now every zone is dangerous
we talk like we don't mean a thing
Speaking when we have to
with an air of being factual
finding ways just to attack
using words to battle fro and to the back,
fourth, and fifth time again
when do we mend,
when are we back to being friends?
I'm sick of our one ups
and I'm tired of fuck ups
fundamentally challenge me
and come correct with courtesy
I'll buy into it, I promise
and give into you, I liked it
back when we strangers
when more than what your name was
was what I lived for
I was driven to get more
I just wanted to be you but vision's thrown askew by
what I bargained for
cuz you're reckless
you're heartless
and it's rubbing off, you see
we wrecked it
let's start this
over.. Hi, nice to meet
me.
Love you,
Love, me
mariel.
Remember when we were kids, and the most important thing in school was to trace the little dotted lines? We had to trace the already written letters so that we could learn the ever-so important task of writing out our names. I remember when all I wanted to know was the answer to, "Who am I?" I remember a time when everyone I knew genuinely liked me, nobody befriended me to use me, nobody talked behind my back and nobody turned theirs to me. It's funny how you can be having a horrible day when a stranger asks, "How are you," and without thinking, you just lie. "I'm good, you?" Sometimes it actually makes me feel better, their smile. Sometimes I come away knowing that I fully deceived this random person but it isn't a big enough matter to stress about because they have no idea about my day versus any other day and may have very well only asked because that is what common courtesy called for. This is a poem/rap (when i read it to myself) about my frustrations, haha.
Strangers
I liked when we were strangers
kindness was everything
now every zone is dangerous
we talk like we don't mean a thing
Speaking when we have to
with an air of being factual
finding ways just to attack
using words to battle fro and to the back,
fourth, and fifth time again
when do we mend,
when are we back to being friends?
I'm sick of our one ups
and I'm tired of fuck ups
fundamentally challenge me
and come correct with courtesy
I'll buy into it, I promise
and give into you, I liked it
back when we strangers
when more than what your name was
was what I lived for
I was driven to get more
I just wanted to be you but vision's thrown askew by
what I bargained for
cuz you're reckless
you're heartless
and it's rubbing off, you see
we wrecked it
let's start this
over.. Hi, nice to meet
me.
Love you,
Love, me
mariel.
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
vanilla spray...
...and a dare.
Really. I almost disappoint myself sometimes, but then I think of how I would feel if my kid spent her days filling her mouth with vanilla body spray vs. filling her mouth with much dirtier things and I end up being okay with my choices, haha.
So, I have yet to come across a person who does not support Obama. Crazy right? I'm kind of thinking this will change when I visit Utah. I kind of feel bad for saying that but what's worse is that I'm probably correct in my assumption! Oh, world.
I am making the lonnng drive out to Utah by myself and to tell you the truth, I'm pretty excited. I know that in the days leading up to it, I will complain and talk the usual trash on Utah, but I have a feeling this trip will not be a wasted one.
And while in Utah, I am determined to educate myself on the happenings with this election.
Love you,
Love, me
mariel.
Really. I almost disappoint myself sometimes, but then I think of how I would feel if my kid spent her days filling her mouth with vanilla body spray vs. filling her mouth with much dirtier things and I end up being okay with my choices, haha.
So, I have yet to come across a person who does not support Obama. Crazy right? I'm kind of thinking this will change when I visit Utah. I kind of feel bad for saying that but what's worse is that I'm probably correct in my assumption! Oh, world.
I am making the lonnng drive out to Utah by myself and to tell you the truth, I'm pretty excited. I know that in the days leading up to it, I will complain and talk the usual trash on Utah, but I have a feeling this trip will not be a wasted one.
And while in Utah, I am determined to educate myself on the happenings with this election.
Love you,
Love, me
mariel.
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
Deal or...
...no deal?
I am sitting in this little holding area waiting to go sit and wait for someone to wait for the Banker to give said someone some money. As I wait, let's talk about this little encounter I just had:
Man was just burning a hole completely through my head and after 6 solid meetings of eye contact, I couldn't hold my laughter in anymore. Two chairs away, turned fully in my direction, chin in hand, staring at me. I was so close to asking him if there was something I could help him with when he goes,
"What song are you singing?"
"Oh, my friend wrote it," said friend being M, of course. What a loser fan I am haha wowww.
"You look like a girl on tv.. on Dance War. You look like her."
Needless to say, it was very good that I did not go off on this man because that would nottt have been a good look. And if by chance you are reading this, Sir, please understand I have nothing against you... I just am not used to people knowing who I am... y'know? Y'know. Thanks for your kindness :)
Love love,
Love, me
mariel.
I'm gonna say...
...three.
Yes, there are exactly three people in this world who are really good at making me feel like a complete dumb ass. Sometimes, I am the one who gets disrespected and yet I still come away from the confrontation feeling remorse. Almost feeling sorry that they felt the need to really take it to that extreme... But every time, without a miss, I find myself wanting to apologize to THEM. Even when I'm not wrong. What the heckopants. This is when I write a song.
There is one person I would love to text, but won't.
One person I would like to hug, but can't.
A few people I need to find.
One person I need to find me.
My head hurts :( But I heard from M that thinking about it will just give it energy, so nevermind what I just said... I'm now thinking that I'm talking way to much about M. Assuming you agree, tomorrow I'm going to Deal or No Deal with Q. This should be interesting... Also interesting: I wrote a rap roday. About... well, about M, haha. Dang. Not thinking about him lasted a good 3 seconds. It was really in the least creepy way possible, the writing of the rap. I've never felt a heart beat as slow as his did. That's kind of what it's about. I wrote about my situation with Utah, too, and D. I think if I really want all of this stuff off of my mind, I'm gonna have to sleep. They'll probably filter their way into my dreams but it's then beyond my control so I'm really not to blame at that point, haha.
Love you,
Love, me
mariel.
Yes, there are exactly three people in this world who are really good at making me feel like a complete dumb ass. Sometimes, I am the one who gets disrespected and yet I still come away from the confrontation feeling remorse. Almost feeling sorry that they felt the need to really take it to that extreme... But every time, without a miss, I find myself wanting to apologize to THEM. Even when I'm not wrong. What the heckopants. This is when I write a song.
There is one person I would love to text, but won't.
One person I would like to hug, but can't.
A few people I need to find.
One person I need to find me.
My head hurts :( But I heard from M that thinking about it will just give it energy, so nevermind what I just said... I'm now thinking that I'm talking way to much about M. Assuming you agree, tomorrow I'm going to Deal or No Deal with Q. This should be interesting... Also interesting: I wrote a rap roday. About... well, about M, haha. Dang. Not thinking about him lasted a good 3 seconds. It was really in the least creepy way possible, the writing of the rap. I've never felt a heart beat as slow as his did. That's kind of what it's about. I wrote about my situation with Utah, too, and D. I think if I really want all of this stuff off of my mind, I'm gonna have to sleep. They'll probably filter their way into my dreams but it's then beyond my control so I'm really not to blame at that point, haha.
Love you,
Love, me
mariel.
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