im in laughlin, nv right now sitting poolside at a rannndom hotel and everyone else is out here smoking, drinking and talking about the competition, haha. im burned out right now, but i can't complain.. there is always drama but there are definitely good people here and now that i've finally found internet i feel like writing. there are a few things going on in my life and in some of the people close to me & the things that i write probably/hopefully sum up a lot of situations, but this particular one is for a friend...
---
Let me just tell you... quick, before they catch me;
I feel like you're every kind of wonderful.
I've been trying to hold this in for what seems like forever, and now I can finally free my words, but what can I say before you stop listening? What can I say that'll still be heard? Can I say that you're my thrill? Cuz you're actually MORE than what I could ask for... Even your faults are endearing, your lies are worth hearing and though there are times that you're right here with me, I miss you, still.
Everyone tries to tame you but I want you just the way you are! I love your recklessness, your risk and your fury. I love that you scare and secure me at the same time and I love that when I'm with you I never have to worry, I'm always fine. I'm always smiling. You're alwayyys you.
Your consistency is divine and your devilish grin gets me through and through but your eyes say different than your swag... I love it when you're bad :) But when you're good, you're GOOD and it's the best I'll never have, cuz they won't let it be. They won't let you have me in any way and there's so many things they won't let me do, so is there anything that I can really say to you? I've been trying to hold this in to keep us together, and now that I'm finally free, my words are threatening me with our forever because we're not allowed to risk our ships.... not our "friend" for our "relation," and my time with you right now's a-wastin'! Ha... our consciences are back now, I guess I'd better back down and save these things for the day you decide to say what I never could... Cuz I think you feel it too.
---
love you,
love, me.
ps...... im really proud of the "risk our ships" line. yesssss, me! i miss that game :(
Saturday, September 26, 2009
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
2 Day
Today was a struggle. Nothing worked out the way it was supposed to! Nadaaaa. But you pick up and move when needed, i guess. I have tomorrow and then thursday i head out.. i wrote a poem on 9/6/09 i'll put up. getting lazier as i type. haha.. anyway, i spent time @ the beach that day and this pretty much sums up how i feel about
"Hermosa"
laying in patience, waiting for the sand to swallow me up... but this old beach never did move fast enough. watching, impatient, wanting the sun to give in and burn out, but it boasts incessantly, hot and proud.
soft, the sand is my constant
strong, the sun is my ride
colder now, the winds start to threaten my eden. but i'm so stubborn. i'm not leavin'. my hope's gone and im determined to detect it. by sun, sky, waves and grains i stand: lost, but always protected.
how many people come to you, Ocean? how many have lived in your depths...?
how much of you is made of my tears, and how much is made up from the rest?
home again, away from the shells, apart from the comfort of a stand still breeze. i smell roses at my door, i feel nothing of my pride, i wish you could hear my screams. im dancing. im dazed and im dozing off, i miss you but i'll never say it. with sand as a memory and the moon as my guard, Hermosa, im infatuated. Goodnight.
we've created a healthy bond, the beach & i. we've upgraded to day time visits... i'll write a better one.. i think i actually have one but i think ive already posted it "/
anyway, stuff to do tomorrow = i should sleep. or lay here i guess until the zzz's take over.
love you,
love, me.
mariel.
"Hermosa"
laying in patience, waiting for the sand to swallow me up... but this old beach never did move fast enough. watching, impatient, wanting the sun to give in and burn out, but it boasts incessantly, hot and proud.
soft, the sand is my constant
strong, the sun is my ride
colder now, the winds start to threaten my eden. but i'm so stubborn. i'm not leavin'. my hope's gone and im determined to detect it. by sun, sky, waves and grains i stand: lost, but always protected.
how many people come to you, Ocean? how many have lived in your depths...?
how much of you is made of my tears, and how much is made up from the rest?
home again, away from the shells, apart from the comfort of a stand still breeze. i smell roses at my door, i feel nothing of my pride, i wish you could hear my screams. im dancing. im dazed and im dozing off, i miss you but i'll never say it. with sand as a memory and the moon as my guard, Hermosa, im infatuated. Goodnight.
we've created a healthy bond, the beach & i. we've upgraded to day time visits... i'll write a better one.. i think i actually have one but i think ive already posted it "/
anyway, stuff to do tomorrow = i should sleep. or lay here i guess until the zzz's take over.
love you,
love, me.
mariel.
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Lately,
Lately,
things have been strange. i am making a lot of changes and doing a few things that are sort of.. outside my norm? i think im enjoying it though. i get comfortable inside of life's constants but im always open to the winds of growth. knowledge is often gained by experience and to truly live life, i have to take chances and balance on crooked roads that may not seem steady, but will definitely strengthen my character, intrigue my mind, and challenge my drive. sometimes i think my heart has to break to become strong enough to fight the pains... sometimes i wish it never had to ache. but it IS the rain that makes us grow. and although i have felt like ive been drowning, my heart pushes on and i stay afloat,
Lately,
ive been flirting with inspiration. the smallest ideas and concepts will hit me and i guess the next step is to figure out what to do after their births because, they do hit, but never hard enough to produce any... art. and lately, ive been just plain flirting! or trying, nonetheless, haha. what i get in return, though, is just never honest enough to penetrate any heART. I already know that I'm a "lover," but that doesn't mean I fall quickly, easily, or under the pretenses of lust. instead of looking for love, ive been nurturing whats in me.. lots of alone time & lots of writing.. and im falling for all the right things, resisting all the wrong ones, and discovering things i never knew i wanted...
Lately,
i want chaos. i want disarray and freedom. i want the lines ive lived within to be blurry and the paths that i take to be longer than my vision can anticipate. iwantmistkaes. i wanna learn the hard way sometimes! i want to l e t l o o o o o o o o s e. i want to go to the beach alone to catch the sunset, grab sushi @ a table for one and go dancing with strangers ignoring their responsibilities for the weekend. i want to be understood by someone instead of always being that weird eclectic chick, haha. but as always, ive been myself and things have been strange...
Lately,
love you,
love, me.
things have been strange. i am making a lot of changes and doing a few things that are sort of.. outside my norm? i think im enjoying it though. i get comfortable inside of life's constants but im always open to the winds of growth. knowledge is often gained by experience and to truly live life, i have to take chances and balance on crooked roads that may not seem steady, but will definitely strengthen my character, intrigue my mind, and challenge my drive. sometimes i think my heart has to break to become strong enough to fight the pains... sometimes i wish it never had to ache. but it IS the rain that makes us grow. and although i have felt like ive been drowning, my heart pushes on and i stay afloat,
Lately,
ive been flirting with inspiration. the smallest ideas and concepts will hit me and i guess the next step is to figure out what to do after their births because, they do hit, but never hard enough to produce any... art. and lately, ive been just plain flirting! or trying, nonetheless, haha. what i get in return, though, is just never honest enough to penetrate any heART. I already know that I'm a "lover," but that doesn't mean I fall quickly, easily, or under the pretenses of lust. instead of looking for love, ive been nurturing whats in me.. lots of alone time & lots of writing.. and im falling for all the right things, resisting all the wrong ones, and discovering things i never knew i wanted...
Lately,
i want chaos. i want disarray and freedom. i want the lines ive lived within to be blurry and the paths that i take to be longer than my vision can anticipate. iwantmistkaes. i wanna learn the hard way sometimes! i want to l e t l o o o o o o o o s e. i want to go to the beach alone to catch the sunset, grab sushi @ a table for one and go dancing with strangers ignoring their responsibilities for the weekend. i want to be understood by someone instead of always being that weird eclectic chick, haha. but as always, ive been myself and things have been strange...
Lately,
love you,
love, me.
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