Looking Forward

Tomorrow is my day off!! Yesssss. But, I do have to go into work and have a little convo about how I'm pretty sure the n word is nottt to be used in the work place and that I am not ok with its reoccurring role in our back room. So... there is still work to be done :( Also, I feel really funny saying the n word. And right now I don't even mean the actual n word itself, but just the little.. phrase, "n word," haha. Awkward.

Talked to N today for like two minutes and that was all that I needed to remember how chill he is. Ah.. deffffinitely appreciate him.

What I do not appreciate, is the fact that none of my pictures (one of which has a blooper that is the little accent to this here entry.) are wanting to load on up to photobucket or myspace :( Hmmmm. We shall figure this out at Q's tomorrow and hopefully I can just load them from his place as he loads fruity loops into his computadora. Will write again manana...

love you,
love, me

mariel.

Long Distance

With you is where I'd rather be
But we're stuck where we are
This long distance is killin' meeeeeeee.

Oh, blog. I want to leave this little California right now. Good thing I'm going home soon! Hopefully that will fulfill my little need-a-vaca feeling............ If only I coulda done that while freakin M was in freakin Utah for Christmas OH that woulda been too much, haha. SO sick.

My brain is back to writing and I'm so so so so so happy. My voice is getting up more and more every day and I'm loving the things I'm coming up with and being able to do and oh singing i am your wife.

mama sleepy.

love you,
love, me.

mariel.

Get Stupid

Work tomorrow at 8am. Fuuun!

i have to call Aldo i have to call Aldo i have to.

i didn't work today but i also didn't do any laundry :( i have kiiind of been thinking about someone all day and it's been..... different. i can't figure out what exactly is going on in my brain, haha. Hm..........................

I went to breakfast with R today and that was pretty chill. He, too, tried to feed me (fidm) and i just do nottt get it :/

I have been thinking about the 27 Club lately. That whole concept is insane to me..... I'm wondering if that is really a huge coincidence or if it's only found because it's looked for. Like, if i were to look for all the basketball players who ever died in December, or the number of girls with my name who died on a weekend, haha, what would i find? Crazy things, maybe. I wonder if the musicians who start to gain their fame at 24 ever really wonder about the list. I hope its just a coincidence... :)

I started 3 songs today and im really proud. Now i just have to get to finishing themmm..

love you,
love, me

mariel.

I Thought

I thought I'd write tonight
I thought it'd be easy

'Cuz writing is the easiest hardest worst best realest when you feel it

love you,
love, me

mariel.

Soundtrack

Ok, so I've been trying to list out all the songs that would be on the soundtrack to the movie of my life (YUP i'm that big of a loser)... and I think I have a few good ones:


Fear by Jazmin Sullivan
Dear Life by Anthony Hamilton
Can You Be by ME! Yeaaaaa, I know.
Through The Fire by Chaka Khan
Trees by Marty
Damaged by Danity Kane, as dumb as that sounds it's true!
I'm Yours by Jason Mraz
Belief by Gavin Degraw
Keep Ya Head Up by Tupac (for the chorus)

8 so far, not all solid but steeeeeel. My picture over there is cuz I've been making lots of wishes lately :) But more importantly, What Do You Want For Christmas?


love you,
love, me

mariel.

Who Lived in a Shoe?

i have written this blog 8 times throughout my work day because i keep getting fone calls and the text erases :(

Basically, lost my voice, got it back, worked with N and YM finally, miss Utah and J, A, L and M, and really want to go to Dubai ASAP ;) ....i think.

FIDM is talking much less, R got a puppy! T too. I am stressed but not but i am but im really not WHOA i almost just fainted haha....

time to rest. ill write tonight!

love you,
love, me.

mariel.

Cried Me A River

I don't know what I'm thinking, not going to sleep right now! I'm always wanting to talk to nobody in particular, with nothing specific in mind. I think I just try to get away from the things that occupy my mind all day. Maybe 3 people read this... yet I keep it for the same reason that I don't keep locks on my journals. I think I want to be heard. This isn't necessarily a cry out to people, it may be me literally trying to be an open book... because I knowingly shut myself off from everyone. It's like, I have the hardest time trusting people but I want everyone to know everything about me. I feel like telling people everything would just be so emotionally draining that I'd be through before I started, so I just like to write as if every fact that makes up my life is already known. I think I'm a fairly simple person... but when I don't have songs for my complications to come out in, I get all mixed up and messy! I'm falling asleep.... I'm texting FIDM... opening the store in the morning and waiting for the DM to come in. I hope everyone's night went well and I hope tomorrow sheds new light on my crazy.

no tears on a monday!

love you,
love, me

mariel.

Oh, Man

Right now, it's a little hard to look at the positive things! Very few things in my life can I think about and be happy, though I know I'm very lucky right now. I need to figure out how to get the money to fix my car, that sounds like the Most important thing... cuz that just caused stress for me this mornin. Everything else makes me miss someone or feel sad or sorry. Mama no likey!

I'll be praying for myself as a given.
I'll be praying for us as a people.

i asked for you to come, but you left when i needed you Most. im sorry i cannot be what you need. i hope we are not a mistake. who's playing who, here? who are we kidding?

love you,
love, me

mariel.

See

Open your eyes and see what's true.

I'd love to,
love, me.

mariel.

Decembrrr.

It's December and the cold is comin' down now....

just not in California. So much has changed since last December and to be honest with you, it's pretty depressing! But that's ok because this particular blog should be a positive one :)

I have been working SO much! Paycheck is a good thing, right? Right.

I miss M! Shizzzzz. I was talking about him yesterday with L and i just cannot get over how GREAT he is at being a human haha. Road trip to NY, anyone?

Wrote a cute little song again. Have been trying to write these rap ideas for Q.. Haven't fully found what I need the song to sound like so hopefully he is slaving away over a pen and pad... buuut i doubt it. He works a lot too, and I hear he's gotten into some other extracurricular things so let's pray i figure this song out!

Bytheway.. I forgot my money at home and don't get off til 5. Hunger pains!

L is the best. I was a little jealous with the whole L & T situation but who am I to be stupid like that? I am in full support of whatever makes L as happy as possible :) I have to say, though, I'm not completely sure what he wants me to be and where I should stand, but i know that i want to be there for him in whichever area he feels i fit most, without compromising what I believe in.

FIDM is still proving himself to be the sweetest thing alive. What do you do in a situation like that? I feel like im almost on the other side of the me and M.... thing. It's really good to have him around me but I don't know if his life needs me around him. Like, i know im a good person but i can be a little... poisonous at times. I hope to never have that come out in any interaction with people but then he gives me this thing about how he wants to know everything and he accepts everything that i am. Can that really be possible if he doesn't know me though? And just when is it that you KNOW someone? Bottom line, he's reeeeeeeeally good.

R and myself have been MIA for like 2 weeks! He is missed... and so is J. And so is my brother and sometimes PD and all the time McJ and L and A! Omy A. I love the letters...

I decided I'm excited for when I become a mother, and more importantly, a mom. But right now? I gotta be a mama! On and off stage.

mari-eeeeEE....

C, T and D are moving back to Arizona and it kills me inside :( But on a positive note, ahlovedems.

I have been fine tuning a Christmas list for myself :) I like this time of year even though it makes me a little sad but it really isn't the same without snow! I was gonna make a whole blog about this with pictures and stuff but I'm really bored at work so we play now.

- Every Eminem album! Most importantly, the Marshall Mathers LP.
- A REPLACEMENT book of lists. I lost my old one but I'm thinking of getting a journal from BN and getting it bound in leather by that guy that A knows, then making my own lists.
- A new journal, haha. Mama no likey runnin out of pages in this Thoureau one... and i don't know how to spell his last name :/
- A video iPod and some big headphones.

OK PAUSE. GIRLS CALLING MY WORK AND HANGING UP BECAUSE I AM NOT THE MAN THEY WANT TO TALK TO IS REALLY F'ing ANNOYING. ASK FOR JOHN!! ITS THAT EASY.

- That jacket from Slick Fit... So sick.
- A camera. Not digital though..
- And finally, the all important Polaroid film!

There's my little materialistic side out and open. Hopefully I can get these things for me after i take care of everyone else :)

love them,
love you,
love, me.

mariel.