You Can Look

It's funny when you don't expect much from people and then they surprise you. I love being wrong, in that sense. But then it gets to a point where I begin to expect that unexpected, and they're to live up to the very bar they set. It's sad to be disappointed. It would almost be easier to just feel angry. To feel anger and discontentment toward an action is much easier to handle than to just be straight up disappointed. To be hurt. So, then I go on ignoring their actions to follow and am able to deal with the dismissable characteristics about them, drowning them in the shadow of their very own dark side. And then they turn around and do me right, again, and I'm wrong, again. And thus the cycle continues. How do you determine whether the good or bad in a person weighs heavier on your heart? And how do you determine whether or not this person is a bright enough light in your life to carry... or whether or not they cast shades of gray on your path?


love you,
love, me

mariel.

Because I Want It.

Gimme...
(another list)

• Law & Order SVU
• Powdered donuts
• A ballroom dancing partner
• More film for my Polariod
• Gas, for Whitey, not me
• A Rokr by T-Mo
• A Nano Pet. I lost mine inside of the couch emporium in Utah
  and have not been the same since.
• A head of hair to cut
• Guitar lessons
• M
• J's desire to smoke to diminish
• A band
• A band
• A band
• A band
• A band
• Coffee
• A keyboard
• T's body
  
• Better time management
• Obama
• A license in one or all of the following:
  Cosmetology
  Bartending
  Criminal Psychology
• More blog readers
• More Myspace hits

Dangit. I just thought of another list I wanted to make and now I can't remember, thanks to law & order. Abraham tolllld her that John fell in love with another woman and she just believed him. Jeeeez. :) I'm officially THAT nerdy.

love you,
love, me

mariel.

I, Nerdy

Things that can precede "I'm a dork, I know..."

- I have been watching the Disney Channel for the past 2 hours

- I feel like the best I've looked all day is right now;
no make up, high pony and my half shirt plus my dad's sweatpants

- I'm laughing as silently as possible as Jennifer Hudson goes bad on Jay Leno...
everyone around here is sleeping but she is so siiiiick!

- My dessert tonight was a package of Gushers

- I've completely messed up my rugs doing sets of sit ups, push ups and inverts

- I wrote a song today about the freeways we were passing and was really close
to using "hella" but was voted against, haha

- I miss playing BASEketball in front of my heez in Utah. Yea, heez. And watch that movie, BASEketball. Very... educational. :)

I started the list thinking I had a lot more things to list because I'm always told how nerdy I am but I think the most nerdy thing about me may actually be the fact that I can't truly recognize my dork-ness... otherwise I'd be able to tell you about it all. This wasn't a very productive blog....

aww meeeeee-annnn.

still,

love you,
love, me

mariel.

Reprise

I wrote four songs todayyy. Not finished, of course, cuz I would then just be someone other than myself and have nothing to work towards. I guess I kind of collectively only wrote one song. Anywayyy, wrote one called 6 Ft. Gentleman which is really cute, I think, in an acoustic Sara Barielles kind of way. And yea I kill spelling. I was sitting down listing everything I was thinking about and basically every guy name that came up belonged to a man who was about 6 ft tall. And.. thus. Haha just thus ;) Hence.

Wrote another about Lust and how you look for it when the one you love turns their back on you. Cheating. I wrote one about someone really wanting to be something to someone but knowing the other person doesn't deserve the heartach, so you'd like to spare them. I just typed "heartach" and my spell check seems to be ok with it... Whattheheck.

That's three, right? I forgot the other... Actually, I think two of them were kind of the same topic.. Either way, I have some dope little lines :)

"You're all bad, but I'm no better. We're no good, we're perfect together."
"I'm not here to be your hero but that don't mean that I won't save you."
"You're a pretty little thing for a 6 ft Gentleman."
"Lust isn't healthy, but love isn't helping."

There's more but then I would just be typing lyrics all night. Not coooool. I have been talking to J and A so much and I wrote all day at work today OH it was a wonderful thing. M bought me a writer's rhyming dictionary. My life has forever changed, haha. And sitting in an empty parking lot hearing your favorite singer cover old Beatles classics on the guitar is really far too much spoiling for one person to get.

I love my life.

Love you,
Love, me

mariel.

Home

When I think of home I think of a place where there's love overflowing...

Sick of same
And I'm tired of tired
I wanted to believe in you
Believe me, I tried
I'm unphased by the every
Understanding is heavy
In no new edition
Steady repetition
Daddy, there's no hope
But me,
I'm ready to go
I know it's a little messy
But it's something to show
Tell me, How come they don't want me?
Tell me what I need to do
Tell them I'm a little different
But I carry somethin' new
Cuz I can sing, right?
With a pad, I pen the future to be what I like
And through my lead, I can sin
Letting loose, I can win
So, the change will forever stay the same.

I wish I was home, I wish I was back there with the things I've been knowing...


Love you,
Love, me

mariel.

Let Me Tell You

I'll tell you this in confidence
If my confidence will let me tell
It may be hard because truth and I

Don't know each other very well

Ssssso, I'm about to jump into bed and knock out because work is in less than 7 hours so my mind es no workings completely correctly, therefore, let's work backwards. I just got home from N's house. Got to kick it with him and M. Ilovethem. It's cool to talk to people who are very good with words.. and have lived lives with stories to tell. We went walking and I got to hear about a little of the history behind the greatest band ever, The Transfer. Yea, them. Nottt them. I refuse to call them that. Again. Freak... I really cannot wait for 2011 when M's solo project comes out and kills everyone in the game. We went grocery shopping and such.

Before that, I was watching Heroes with Q and fully confused :( I have yet to see the second season and have only recently wrapped my brain around the happenings of the first, so to throw in a third was kind of ridiculous. Hayden Panetierre was pretty though, haha.

Before that I was car shopping. Well, lot shopping. Not so much shopping at all, actually, just kind of being envious of the new freaking cars that are out and annoyed by the fact that I really chose Whitey. Butilovehim.

And before that, I turned down Aldo and decided I would have more time for what I wanna do if I stick with Journey's. I can still have a job and a little income situation, but still have the hours that are required to pursue my dreeeam. The paycheck from Aldo's woulda been grrreat, though, I can't deny that. Guys, as quoted by the infamous Annie, it's a hard knock life.

Finally, before that it was... good morning! And now, good night :)

love you,
love, me

mariel.

A SLO Weekend

I just got in bed. Finallyyy. There's something about getting into bed after being hurt so badly that almost makes you want to get up and stay doing what you were doing 'cause the comfort only comes through pain. My body feels like I have been working at a shoe store for six hours too many after having driven three hours too long in a car scented by McDonald's. Oh, wait.

I got to N's house right after work on Saturday afternoon and was so stressed from the stupid shoe counting fiasco. YM was there already so it really wasn't more than 10 minutes before we got on the road to go see The 2AM Club play in San Louis Obispo, so I was very excited about this. San Luis. The ride was cool, I had a funny conversation with my dad who is convinced that I can get Wayne Brady and Stevie Wonder to come perform with me in Utah. Haha... Manohman. I also ended up singing to N and YM for a little of the way, got to hear YM's (ridiculous) 3 song demo situation and got a lotttt of feedback on random things from the both of them. Productive :)


We grabbed dinner at Baja Fresh and talked about the level of comfort between us all and I was informed that I somehow make them want to be more wholesome versions of themselves when I am around, haha. What? That makes me feel like the mom in the room. When it's like,

"Is your mom here?"
"Yea. Oh, but don't worry she's a cool mom."
"Dude. Your mom's here."

Not cool. Basically, I don't have many serious things to worry about at the time being so for that I'm very grateful. I hope everyone's good and all that good goodness.

love you,
love, me

mariel.

As Exemplified By S

I Am

(version 1.0)

I am short, not stout
I wonder what Jeanie dreams about
I hear lace shaped Skittles
I see music
I want to open up
I am short, not stout

I pretend that I am a rockstar, often named Mariel
I feel a change gon' come
I touch 2AM, then and now.
I worry I won't live up to my potential
I cry when you get hurt
I am short, not stout

I understand what's reality isn't always what's real
I say fame isn't sexually transmitted
I dream of marrying the man who teaches me to tread water
I try to be true
I hope I leave you better than when I found you
I am short, not stout

Killed A Roach w/ My Phone

...y'know how it is.

Basically, today was a craaaazy day. Woke up & went to work, normal. SLOW. Had a meeting with Aldo on Melrose and it was super intense. Then went on my way to pick up Q and I get a text saying he inhaled too many fumes and isn't being allowed to work cuz he's disoriented and such.. AH! Got scared, didn't like it, got him some food and coffee and long boarded outside his work while he ate 'til the clock hit 5. Then went to Aldo on Hollywood and Highland to interview with the manager there who is pretty entertaining, haha. Ran into J, he called A and we sat down to catch up on everything. Turns out, A's doing Bring It On Cinco (I know..) and I said that my number must be given to M because he's a stand up guy :)

While we were talking in the courtyard, man comes up and hands us a flyer to go see Wayne Brady at the Virgin Megastore. Um, yes. So, I go and watch him perform some songs from his album, sounded GREAT. His back up singers were so clean and can I just tell you Jamie Jones was one of them.. yessss All 4 One. Anway, I buy the cd and go to get an autograph and he tells me to stick around so I can meet everyone. I'm introduced to all the people behind the little security belts and he asks if I want to join them for dinner. Haha.. his daughter wants pizza.

We walk to CPK 7 deep, I order a Chinese Chicken Salad (delicious) and say maybe 10 words the whole time. What kinda nervous... I also have to charge it to the fact that I was writing a really good song at the table and was guilty of being stuck in that :/ I don't know why I was nervous. It wasn't the M kind of nervous or the Stevie Wonder kind of nervous, I think it was "I used to watch you in middle school and I really don't wanna bring any of your hilarious-ness up cuz I don't know if it's taboo to talk about your career while you're not actually working" kind of nervous, haha. I'm also not exactly sure what taboo means. Looking it up...

ta·boo /təˈbu, tæ-/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[tuh-boo, ta-]. –adjective

1.	proscribed by society as improper or unacceptable: taboo words.

2.	(among the Polynesians and other peoples of the South Pacific) separated or set apart as sacred; forbidden for general use; placed under a prohibition or ban.

–noun

3.	a prohibition or interdiction of anything; exclusion from use or practice.

Yeaaa. :) I'm supposed to hang out with X this weekend AND I'm supposed to be recording this weekend! That's definitely first priorityyy, gotta meet that goal, Oct. 26.

love you,
love, me

mariel.

Dinner For Two

"All I ever wanted was for me and the moon to shine."


So, today was an interesting dayyy.... lots of happenings. It is kind of hard to be interesting when opening up enough to blog about all things in life, while keeping vague enough to keep those moments untainted. Basically, everything between my morning shower and my nighttime music searches has been eye (and ear) opening! I lovvve it when life's like this :)

Had lunch with T the other day. Very, chill. I don't feel the need to be anything but real when we're together. There's always a small hope that I'm interesting and that I look good and stay sweet, but really it is so easy to be myself that I forget to worry about those things. I never hold my tongue. I try not to do this with other people but sometimes there's that person that you just cannot express evvvery last detail to, haha. Sometimes for their sake, sometimes for mine.

Oh man. J sang me a song today that was bananaaaas. So so so good.. It was basically the guy and girl getting in a fight and him saying sorry I was wrong please believe me. Y'know. He was sick and sounded incredible. Jerk.

H from SM called today... Supposedly I'm in the next round of the competition. I don't know how I feel about this. It's always exciting to know you're "good enough" for any opportunity, I'm just not positive this is the right opportunity for ME.... bytheway:

WE FINALIZED A NAAAAAME TODAY!

20:28 is the band name.. twentytwentyeight...... twenty28. His birthday is July 20 and mine's March 28 so, y'know. I love us. The name seems to be sticking so far. What's funny is that this was actually like the 2nd or 3rd name that was thrown out and for some reason I didn't think it was cool when I first heard it, but after hearing all the different ones we came up with, this one decided to pop up again and I think it actually got me :) Hopefully I don't change my mind again because we made the myspace, the blog, and the email... haha. I can make commitments, though, so I will wish me luck and continue writing for twenty28 in faith.

Oh, the picture is to say that I think I want to go out more. I think I feel cool when I treat myself to things... it may be because I feel successful when I do a job and get funds to do things that aren't mandatory. I almost went clubbing yesterday, but then the light turned green so I came to my senses, remmebering who I was, and turned into the parking garage homeward bound, haha.

love you,
love, me

mariel.

Relating To Barbie

Today I had an interview for a management position at Aldo's. I cleaned up nice, I think. The wardrobe for Aldo's versus the wardrobe for Journey's are very different ends of the spectrum, but today I actually found a way to fit into both and still fit into me, so needless to say, I was pretty proud! The biggest thing, maybe, would be that I actually incorporated PINK into the fit. The saddest thing would definitely be that I'm actually writing about this on a Friday night. :) Nerd.

I definitely had a good day though, very productive, very mapped out and followed.. through... even though I don't know how to word that. I work again in 9 hours but am stuck listening to Tyler Hilton, How Love Should Be and getting drawn in by his lyrics, again. He's really freaking good at what he does.

There's a new girl at work, R. She's really sweet and honestly it's kind of nice having a girl around 'cause I then don't notice as much that I'm the only one. It was cool to help her in the store and kind of teach her the little things you pick up. It was also cool to go from a morning of errands to a 4pm meeting to a 5pm shift writing songs the whole time and finally singing them out loud on the car ride home. There's definitely something empowering about running shiz in pink patent leather pumps. Between the pink shoes, the pink earrings, and the pink members only jacket, I think I have filled the very small hole that is in my wardrobe which can handle that particular hue... It's completely safe to say that you won't see me in pink again until at least next month.

love you,
love, me

mariel.

Personal Myspace Persona.

So, I've been thinking. It's funny how huge Myspace has gotten. There have been a lot of friend network thingys, but none have ever reached the ridiculous popularity level that myspace eased up to.

The picture there... yea. First of all, let me say that this is the first time I think I have ever actually looked like a 20 year old female in a photo, haha. Secondly, I think myspace is increasingly decreasing our face value as people.. I made that my little caption. See?! We, yes myself included, are really wrapped up in this little website. It's really odd, actually. We make references to it as if it's a huge part of our lives... We have phrases like, "Default pic," "You're on my top," and the worst, "Whore me." Ew.

I wonder what the world will come up with next.

love you,
love, me

mariel.

Tiger Balm.

So, my apartment smells like Tiger Balm and the neighbor's cigarettes, I have a headache from it being smashed into the wall by a stranger aiding another stranger in attempting to steal my laptop FROM my lap, and I'm hungry for something other than the ever-present boxes of cereal that inhabit my cabinets while leaving my stomach completely bare. On the bright side, I figured out how to use the internet on my laptop (which luckily isn't broken) through the internet provided on my fone so.... now I can write about alluvitt.

I wrote a rap today, pretty sick, I think. Met some interesting customers at work who don't understand personal space, haha... and I also read a ridiculous email from CA that listed a number of books that McCain's VP candidate, Palin, tried to get BANNED. I will share.

A Clockwork Orange by Anthony Burgess

A Wrinkle in Time by Madeleine L'Engle

Annie on My Mind by Nancy Garden

As I Lay Dying by William Faulkner

Blubber by Judy Blume

Brave New World by Aldous Huxley

Bridge to Terabithia by Katherine Paterson

Canterbury Tales by Chaucer

Carrie by Stephen King

Catch-22 by Joseph Heller

Christine by Stephen King

Confessions by Jean-Jacques Rousseau

Cujo by Stephen King

Curses, Hexes, and Spells by Daniel Cohen

Daddy's Roommate by Michael Willhoite

Day No Pigs Would Die by Robert Peck

Death of a Salesman by Arthur Miller

Decameron by Boccaccio

East of Eden by John Steinbeck

Fallen Angels by Walter Myers

Fanny Hill (Memoirs of a Woman of Pleasure) by John Cleland

Flowers For Algernon by Daniel Keyes

Forever by Judy Blume

Grendel by John Champlin Gardner

Halloween ABC by Eve Merriam

Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone by J.K. Rowling

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets by J.K. Rowling

Harry Potter and the Prizoner of Azkaban by J.K. Rowling

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire by J.K. Rowling

Have to Go by Robert Munsch

Heather Has Two Mommies by Leslea Newman

How to Eat Fried Worms by Thomas Rockwell

Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain

I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings by Maya Angelou

Impressions edited by Jack Booth

In the Night Kitchen by Maurice Sendak

It's Okay if You Don't Love Me by Norma Klein

James and the Giant Peach by Roald Dahl

Lady Chatterley's Lover by D.H. Lawrence

Leaves of Grass by Walt Whitman

Little Red Riding Hood by Jacob and Wilhelm Grimm

Lord of the Flies by William Golding

Love is One of the Choices by Norma Klein

Lysistrata by Aristophanes

More Scary Stories in the Dark by Alvin Schwartz

My Brother Sam Is Dead by James Lincoln Collier and Christopher

Collier

My House by Nikki Giovanni

My Friend Flicka by Mary O'Hara

Night Chills by Dean Koontz

Of Mice and Men by John Steinbeck

On My Honor by Marion Dane Bauer

One Day in The Life of Ivan Denisovich by Alexander Solzhenitsyn

One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest by Ken Kesey

One Hundred Years of Solitude by Gabriel Garcia Marquez

Ordinary People by Judith Guest

Our Bodies, Ourselves by Boston Women's Health Collective

Prince of Tides by Pat Conroy

Revolting Rhymes by Roald Dahl

Scary Stories 3: More Tales to Chill Your Bones by Alvin Schwartz

Scary Stories in the Dark by Alvin Schwartz

Separate Peace by John Knowles

Silas Marner by George Eliot

Slaughterhouse-Five by Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.

Swimming Upstream, Slowly by Melissa Clark

Tarzan of the Apes by Edgar Rice Burroughs

The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain

The Adventures of Tom Sawyer by Mark Twain

The Bastard by John Jakes

The Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger

The Chocolate War by Robert Cormier

The Color Purple by Alice Walker

The Devil's Alternative by Frederick Forsyth

The Figure in the Shadows by John Bellairs

The Grapes of Wrath by John Steinbeck

The Great Gilly Hopkins by Katherine Paterson

The Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood

The Headless Cupid by Zilpha Snyder

The Learning Tree by Gordon Parks

The Living Bible by William C. Bower

The Merchant of Venice by William Shakespeare

The New Teenage Body Book by Kathy McCoy and Charles Wibbelsman

The Pigman by Paul Zindel

The Seduction of Peter S. by Lawrence Sanders

The Shining by Stephen King

The Witches by Roald Dahl

The Witches of Worm by Zilpha Snyder

Then Again, Maybe I Won't by Judy Blume

To Kill A Mockingbird by Harper Lee

Twelfth Night by William Shakespeare

Webster's Ninth New Collegiate Dictionary by the Merrium-Webster

Editorial Staff

Witches, Pumpkins, and Grinning Ghosts: The Story of the Halloween

Symbols by Edna Barth

Seriously? Hm.... this is something to think about. I'm glad (and pretty surprised, actually) that she didn't have The Giver on this list or I would've had some serious complaints.

love you,
love, me

mariel.

Come On

You knew another blog was comin tonight :)


Questions of Today:
- Why is today such a bloggy one?
Ahdunno. The headache may have had some influence on the brain's progression throughout the past hours.
- When do you plan to stop believing?
Sadly, nevaaaa.
- Why is Jacob Luttrell so beastly?
Seriously. He is amaaazing!

Answers of Today:
- I realized I am going to be making much more money than I had planned.
- I was wrong about M and worried for nothing. This is a wonderful thing :)
- I may need to write less rock.

I think there may be something in the street that is bad for skin. Mama no likey. Better note, I wrote another really good little thing today :) I just have problems converting them to catchy songs.... Shipoopy, I say. Bytheway, I have far too much passion in me to be in the position I am currently faced with. imjustsayinnn.

love you,
love, me.

mariel.

To You

Hello again,
you're back, I see.
It's been awhile,
thought you'd forgotten me.
But here you are,
I should've known.
You've watched me fall
and seen how much I've grown.
It's nice you're back,
empty isn't easy.
Atleast when I'm lonely
I'm alone completely...

How freakin sad, haha. Wowza. Tomorrow is going to be amazing :)

love you,
love, me.

mariel.

10:57PM

Dude, this band... haha manohman. So, talked to M today and they are doing extreeeemely well. They're so so so close to where they need to be, it's such a good thing to hear! I have been posting stuff from my fone and it refeuses to show, so that's no good :( Today was kind of a poop day but it went well with yesterday, haha.. atleast things are staying consistent, right? Seriously, though... I was looking thru our list of songs and I think I really like them, actually. I'm a little proud of us considering we only have me and him on the guitar.. we've done pretty well for ourselves, haha. I'm currently sitting in a little back hallway that I'm not supposed to be in, using internet that I'm not supposed to have. Sorry.

GO GO GO:

myspace.com/2amclub

love you,

love, me.

mariel.

Shady.

So, confusion and i are at it again! Laaame. It almost makes me wish things were easy... ;)

I watched Rad tonight, how funny i that? And work today was a beast but I got an ample amount of compliments on my Transfer t-shirt... which, much to my dismay, can now be considered vintage of some sorts. Didn't have a very good day, the night wasn't running too smoothly either but i DID

- figure out guitar chords for my favorite song of ours
- meet a sweet C with the classic WB swag that i tip my hat to
- act as recipient to a much needed Black Current Vanilla massage
- write a really good poem
- decide that i may be looking into adding pink to my wardrobe... haha don't ask. not that you would. cuz really... you is me and i already know what im talking about :)

Anyway, its back to slumber with an empty palm, but the morning will bring new chances with dreams within our grasp.

love you,
love, me

mariel.